There are days when I love everybody…
from a little distance. 😂
And I don’t mean that in a mean or angry way.
I love my family. I care about the people in my life. I have spent years showing up, helping, listening, solving problems, handling responsibilities and being there when people needed me.
But I’ve learned something that I wish more women would give themselves permission to say:
Sometimes I need a break from everybody too.
Not because I stopped loving them.
Not because I’m angry.
Not because I’m trying to punish anybody.
Sometimes I simply need enough quiet to hear myself again.
Women Get Used to Being Needed
For so many of us, being needed becomes part of our identity.
We’re daughters.
Mothers.
Wives and partners.
Sisters.
Friends.
Employees.
Managers.
Caregivers.
Problem-solvers.
Somebody needs an answer.
Somebody needs advice.
Something needs to be handled.
The phone rings.
A text comes through.
Work needs something.
Family needs something.
Life needs something.
And without realizing it, we can become so accustomed to asking “What does everybody need from me?” that we stop asking:
“What do I need?”
I’ve had to learn to ask myself that question again.
This Season of My Life Has Changed Me
This year has carried both beautiful changes and some incredibly difficult ones.
In May, I lost my mother.
She died in my arms.
There isn’t a neat little sentence that can explain what that experience does to you.
I’m still grieving.
I’m still processing.
I’m still unpacking emotions that sometimes show up when I least expect them.
Some days I want company.
Some days I want to talk.
Some days I want to laugh and enjoy myself.
And some days?
I need everybody to give me a minute.
I’m learning that all of those things can belong to the same woman.
Grief doesn’t mean I have to stop living.
And living doesn’t mean I’ve stopped grieving.
I Can Love You and Still Need Space
This has become important for me.
Needing space from someone doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong with the relationship.
Sometimes you’re simply emotionally full.
Sometimes life has been loud.
Sometimes you’ve been giving more than you’ve been replenishing.
Sometimes you need to pray.
Sometimes you need to think.
Sometimes you don’t want to explain anything.
Sometimes you need silence.
And sometimes you need to turn that phone over, put it on Do Not Disturb, and let the little rectangle survive without you for a while. 😂
I’ve stopped believing I need a dramatic reason to take care of myself.
Being tired is enough.
Feeling overwhelmed is enough.
Needing quiet is enough.
Protecting My Peace Doesn’t Mean Building a Wall
There’s a difference between creating healthy space and shutting everyone out.
I still believe in connection.
I believe in talking to someone when I need support.
I believe in asking for help.
I believe in having people around me who can sit beside me when life gets heavy.
But I also believe that every person doesn’t need unlimited access to me simply because I love them.
That was a lesson.
Because boundaries aren’t necessarily rejection.
Sometimes a boundary simply says:
I love you, and I also need to take care of me.
I Changed My Priority List
For me, God comes first.
Then comes me.
Then everything and everybody else.
That doesn’t mean I stopped caring about people.
It means I stopped placing myself at the very bottom of my own life.
I can love people without abandoning myself.
I can show up for people without disappearing inside their needs.
I can help without carrying everything.
And I can say:
“Not today. I need some time for me.”
without writing a five-paragraph explanation afterward.
That last part?
Still working on it. 😂
What Does Taking Care of Yourself Actually Look Like?
It isn’t always dramatic.
For me, I’ve started intentionally doing something that makes me feel good twice every day.
Once in the morning.
Once in the evening.
Sometimes that’s exercise.
Sometimes skincare.
Sometimes prayer.
Sometimes a long shower.
Sometimes music.
Sometimes quiet.
Sometimes taking care of my body.
Sometimes doing absolutely nothing for a few minutes.
The activity isn’t the important part.
The message I’m giving myself is:
You matter too.
And then there’s Sunday.
Self-Love Sunday
Sunday has become my day to intentionally pour a little extra back into myself.
I call it Self-Love Sunday.
There isn’t a complicated routine.
I may exercise.
Rest.
Pray.
Take care of my skin.
Eat something I enjoy.
Go somewhere.
Stay home.
Spend time alone.
Reflect.
Or do absolutely nothing impressive enough to photograph. 😂
That’s the point.
Self-care doesn’t need an audience.
Sometimes the most important moments happen when nobody else even knows you’re having them.
Three Things Can Be True
Life isn’t always either/or.
I’m learning that:
I can be grieving and grateful.
I can love people and still need space.
I can be a work in progress and still be proud of who I am.
And that second one has become especially important.
You don’t have to stop loving people to start loving yourself better.
So Let Me Ask You Something
When was the last time you had a little piece of your life that belonged completely to you?
Not work.
Not family.
Not your partner.
Not errands.
Not cleaning.
Not somebody else’s crisis.
You.
And if you can’t remember, don’t beat yourself up about it.
Start small.
Ten minutes.
A walk.
A prayer.
A cup of coffee in silence.
A workout.
A bath.
A drive.
Lunch alone.
Music.
A nap.
A conversation with someone you trust.
Whatever genuinely replenishes you.
Ask yourself:
What do I need today?
And whenever you can, give yourself some of it.
Because you can love your family deeply and still need a break from everybody.
Sometimes that break isn’t taking you away from the people you love.
Sometimes it’s bringing you back to yourself.
💜
⸻
Ready to Pour Something Back Into You?
This season of my life inspired me to create Pour Back Into Her: The Self-Love Reset, a 38-page digital guide and personal reflection workbook for women who spend so much time pouring into everyone else that they sometimes forget to pour back into themselves.
It explores self-love in real life, including grief and joy, family, boundaries, protecting your peace, caring for your body, asking for help, morning and evening check-ins, Self-Love Sunday, solo time and learning to recognize what you need.
It also includes the complete 30-Day Pour Back Into Her Reset, reflection exercises, a Peace Inventory, Boundary Check, Personal Support Plan, Self-Love Sunday Planner, 30 solo-date ideas, trackers and a special Letter to the Woman I’m Becoming.
No perfection. No pretending. No guilt.
Just a reminder:
You are somebody worth taking care of too.
💜 Your story matters. Your peace matters. You matter too.
Sharonda Lynn
Founder, Still Becoming Wellness
Stronger. Healthier. Happier. Still Becoming.
Always a Work in Progress.
This article shares personal experiences and general wellness information for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for individualized medical or mental-health care.
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